don't teach me to love you,
teach me to love life.

2:43 am

i stayed up till the rain came down.

reading this sorry excuse for a novel, fictional but not forgivable.
playing a song in korean, of which i only understand the title: Heart Damage.


there i was until i had to be peeled off the couch,
wrapped loosely in youthful, worry-free memories: my Mickey blankets,
told that i couldn't live life by reversing day and night.

but how do you live life
when life reverses day and night for you?


it always seems to be night now.


and here i am and:
i wonder what it is, what is it, i really need?

every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.

i still remember 9th grade, when i first ran the sun run for PE.
then 10th grade, where PE was still obligatory, hence so was the sun run.
then 11th grade, when i opted for Leadership/PE, so i'd ran the sun run again -

except it started to slowly grow on me.

every year, i looked forward to it a bit more.
so this year, there is no PE, no Leadership/PE, but i signed up anyway.

in fact, i ended up signing up alone, without someone to run with! hahaha

grade 9, with sammi
grade 10, with anita
grade 11, with guang ...

and this year, i ran it alone.

it wasn't bad,
sometimes i think doing things alone is good -
like, once in a while.

isn't it kindof funny how we represent the sun as a man?
the sun is masculine, we give the sun the pronoun "he", "him"

which gives way to how we represent the moon as a woman.
the moon is feminine, "she" is the moon.

and look at it this way:
the sun is always around during the day.

his presence always makes us happy.
except he is disloyal,
and sometimes he never shows up.

but we forget his absences when he does come,
it doesn't matter when, we're always happy to see him.

now look at the moon:
she's only ever completely visible at night.

the darkness is her terrain.

we sometimes call her names like, eerie.
at her fullest, she releases vampires, wolves - monsters.

and what destroys these monsters?

the sun.

except without the moon,
we would never know the monsters within us.

without the moon,
our monsters would never be brought out before the sun.

she allows us to see ourselves at our worst,
but the sun finishes us off and we see him
as the hero.

we always liken the light at the end of the tunnel to sunlight,
the dawn after the endless night.

but in this endless night,
what was there to guide you?
the moon.

when the sun leaves,
she finds you, guides you,

she stays by your side.

 

i don't usually watch movies in IMAX theatres,

but this was completely worth it :)

  

there's nothing wrong with imperfection,

life,

life is like a dancer.
the radiant one.

she attracts spotlight,
she attracts attention,

though she'll never acknowledge it.

her smile is inviting,
if she asks for a dance -
you never consider declining.

her steps are definite,
you'll have to keep up there, buddy.

her count is impeccable,
you'll have to keep up there, buddy.

her confidence is threatening,
you'll have to keep up there, buddy.

but soon you'll figure out
that it's not a matter of keeping up,
it's a matter of dancing.

you gotta want it.

because the song only lasts so long,
and before you know it -
she's moved on.